Incredibly, Michael lets me sleep in 3 hours blocks of time.
Amazingly, Michael falls asleep when he is tired even if he is not nursing. I can lay him in his crib and he fussed a little then fell asleep. or rock him in my lap and he falls asleep. I think the rocking in my lap is his favorite, facing forward, and me holding his feet.
So different form Evelyn.
And, weirdly, he takes up less time as a baby at 2 months than Evie at 4 years. She is STILL more work than a baby. It's just so... frustrating actually. Of course I've speculated as to the level of her hyperactivity. I've learned things like ADD kids are 2 years behind developmentally. I've seen what Robynn goes through. Is it going to continue this way? Michael will be easy and Evie will be all hard? Just in the space of writing this post she has interrupted and poked at him 8 times. Michael, none.
She still needs to have constant attention, still needs me to play with her to play, does'nt play by herself. Still gets bored with the same things and needs something new. Still escalates everything isn't happy with teh level it is. and recently she is saying she is afraid of this that and the other thing. to get attention? or will this go like Robynn into obsessive fears....
It's strange because I always felt inadequate as a parent with Evelyn. Nothing I did was ever enough. Now with Michael I'm always enough. I hung a colorful blanket and he was happy looking at it for the whole time he was awake, an hour. He is happy to just be held. He doesn't constantly need more...
I suppose what I'm trying to figure out right now is how to proceed going forward. For a while I just thought that raising children was hell. Now I understand that babies can be joyful.
I am certain that I am not enough for Evelyn. But now I understand that no one ever can be. That will be her burden to bear and I feel sympathetic towards her. It will be harder for her ultimately. I hope her journey is gentle on her. For my part, I will love her. I will help her as much as I reasonably can. But I am not enough.
My original plan was just enroll her into activities. Put her in gymnastics classes, put her on the swim team, sign her up for the Don Harrington discovery center summer camp. But then Covid19 struck so I've just had to live with her in the house and a baby for 2 months. We are all feeling a little nutty.
One day I can get her back out into the world. I hope that is going to help her and me. She is so full of the spice for life.
On the positive side. I love her heart, her adventure spirit. I think she will make friends quickly, and I think she will be able to experience this world at a speed the rest of us would not attempt.
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